I was last in the class,
Barely passed at the institute.
Now I'm tryin' to avoid
Yeah, I'm tryin' to avoid
A malpractice suit.

Hey, like a surgeon,
Cuttin' for the very first time.
Like a surgeon,
Organ transplants are my line.

Better give me all your gauze, nurse,
This patient's fading fast.
Complications have set in,
Don't know how long he'll last.

Let me see that I.V.
Here we go, time to operate.
I'll pull his insides out.
Pull his insides out,
And see what he ate.

Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time.
Like a surgeon,
Here's a waiver for you to sign.
Wo-ho. Wo-ho. Wo-ho

It's a fact. I'm a quack.
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die.
Yeah, my patients die
Before they can pay.

Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time.
Like a surgeon.
Got your kidneys on my mind.

Like a surgeon, ooh hoo, like a surgeon,
When I reach inside
With my scalpel,
And my forceps,
And retractors.
Oh ho. Oh ho. Ooh, baby,
Yeah, I can hear your heart beat
For the very last time.